waiting to leave home for my communication skills test. best of luck to me ! ;p

having another test on friday.

and most awaited day is saturday !!!! 2years anniversary. and also my birthday on 23aug, also a saturday. have time to celebrate too. my 2nd test is on 22aug and my next and the last test of the semester is on 27aug ! hehe.

back to blog !! had great marks for the test just now.. somehow i've cheated. >.< discussed with huimin some of the questions. and lecturer told us that there're 11 false and 19 true in the 30 questions. hehe.

now.. pictures time !!!

short comic

looking for a shade to shit under the SUNNY day! eve my choco hates SUNNY ! lol. its a lecturer who teach in chim chim language. and which i failed till now.

are you staring at me ?! haha

i will BITE you! haha. 

lazy back legs.

nice photo of me and my choco

with his ball. lying on his 'bed'. he refuses to go into the dog house. ;/

yesterday was my 2nd year with dear. in the morning, cooked maggie mee for breakfast. then ate my favourite red tea jelly bought from jurong east market. 

then after that head down to bishan, intended to get a blue ring which caught my eye few weeks ago. but ended up the smallest size is still too big for me. then headed down to town to get a ring. made one, waiting to collect it on monday.

dear bought me flowers!! first time he gave and first time i received fresh flowers. haha.

wanted to catch a movie as we have free tickets for GV. but plaza singapura's queue for ticket was very very long. when can i watch mummy 3 ?! ;( then dine in at Iciban sushi there, was bloated by 6. since its too early to head back. we went vivo city. i bought a big bag of sweets. haha. head up to the open roof and saw the Nation Day Parade fighter jets forming patterns in the sky. everyone there just stood stand with their cameras fliming the show, though its drizzling.

we didn't walked the whole of vivo then we head back. dear took his dad's car and drove to send some stuff to aunt and parked at kevin's place and waited for him. then went to changi flyover for planes viewing. i simply love the way planes fly and the size of it. i told myself before that if there's some guy who bring me there, i will marry him. i was small then. haha.

then headed down for a drink at near bukit panjang. i was very sleepy then. its 12plus and i woke up at 8plus !!!!

pictures be up soon. promise !!! ;p

pictures as promised.

flowers from dear.

dine in ichiban sushi. and took this photo when dear's copying me. haha



dear drove to my place and we brought chocolate to the pet mega mart at farmway. choco was very very naughty

day of my presentation. went well ! this is my group members.

raymond and me.

caric. thanks to him for part of my project.

im anxious to know what company will i be attached to for my attachment. everyday im logging into my school email checking for news. till now i haven't get any. ;/

still no news from my school's email on which company im attached to. zzz.

im worried about the exam paper on coming friday. the lecturer didn't show much effort in his students passing while other lecturers held revision lessons and gave us hints. this lecturer needed us to repeatedly remind him and cause him for things, guess everyone given up or pissed off by him already. he always do last minute things.

why am i concern?! cause i failed his module till now. i tried, but his questions are beyond my standard of english. i don't know what he asked in his questions. he don't set questions with lay-man terms but his way of terms. haiz...

stopped studying for today.

had serious thinking yesterday about my options for further studies.

1. get into teacher (which i will most probably spend my whole life there)

2. go for further studies in overseas and also a degree in safety management(which i heard is a 6months course)

i probably won't get into singapore university. i need a degree paper. at the same time don't get my relatives to look down on me. i will get at least a degree paper and earn even more than all of my cousins. i will live in a house bigger than them !!! or i will have houses or around Singapore or even overseas !! thanks to their 'pride' that made me this ambitious.

enough of my BIG BIG ambition. haha.

last night dear cut his finger while picking up a broken glass from toilet floor. his finger bled non-stop. searched the whole house for a plaster, but can't find. i did left it here, but guess its thrown away while dear was clearing his room for his new furniture. and it bled again when dear's at work. non-stop !!

gonna head down west mall to get dear some plasters and meet him for break. then wait for him to end work. haha. and i dont decide to study. cause it wont get into my brain anyway. a normal person's brain can only absords 2hrs of informations. and my 2hrs is up. haha. ;p

choco shit on mum's bed and pee on my bed !! argh. i don't understand why he have to do that. wonder how to sleep tonight.

argh!!

was having a nap when dear received a message (dear is sleeping too.), so as usual i open up his phone. its his ex.

and its one of them that disliked, which i told kevin last weekend. F***. i didn't see the message though. im just jealous. i knew that her number is in his phone book and i tried not to care. you know its so difficult not to care when she showed up every now and then. everytime i wanted to give dear a comment in friendster, i saw her comment.

its so irritating. after 2 yrs of relationship, its still like this, me getting jealous. i know sometimes dear get jealous too. but im always tolerating it. i see her number, her comment and now her message !! F*** OFF B****!!

how i wish im heartless.

dear was sick since last night. his head was burning hot. took care of him the whole night. didn't get much sleep though, my eye circles are very dark. haha.

manage to go to school for exam with energy, but my brain wasn't working well. the things i went through this morning didn't seems to get into my head.

hope this never never happens on friday. i die die have to pass all my modules. i don't want to repeat. talking about modules, the lecturer(sunny sin) who said will call me last friday for remedial lesson and whom also said will give the class a mock paper and also said will tell the class our ICA(overall marks till now) with 2 sample question haven't send nor post anything for his dear students. AND HIS FREAKING EXAM PAPER IS ON FRIDAY, WHICH TODAY IS WEDNESDAY !!!!!!!!!!!

so darn pissed. how can such a person be a lecturer ?! omg !!!

a day to go till my birthday on saturday, 23 aug. hehe.

no plans with dear. ;(

felt bad for telling dear's aunt that im not going. i just wanted to reserve 22 aug since 24 aug is celebrating dear's sis's birthday. just wanted to reserved to anyone who willing to spend it with me till the clock strike 12am of 23 aug. dear wont be the one, he will be going to a lunar 7th month dinner. as for 23 aug, having dinner with parents.

miss my working pals. will be back at work next week. hehe.

still studying my exam tomorrow. must pass !! best of luck to everyone !! ;p

 finally got my pay. my long awaiting and rewarding pay have come. and i can spend some money tomorrow !! its my birthday !!

went to the forums and check for which Vet should i bring choco for serilization. heard this Dr chua from jalan kayu is very nice and gentle. found his name in a couple of forums. should be a very good choice to give choco sterilized there. its near my place too. ;p

be calling up and check the price tomorrow. if everything is fine, will be bringing choco on sunday or monday ?!

here is some facts on sterilization taken from Flowerpod Forum :

1) Stop Unnecessary Breeding
There are huge numbers of abandoned and unwanted pets ending up with SPCA and other respective animal welfare groups, due to irresponsible breeding by pet owners. They often breed for fun, and ended up unable to take care of the number of offsprings their pet produce. So either the pets were given out or sold to others as profit. Some just simply dumped them elsewhere... Very often, they do not know if the people they had given to or sold to will take good care of those animals. This vicious cycles go on.. and more often than not, a lot of them had gotten sick of the novelty of having a pet and decide to abandon them elsewhere.

2) Health
If you are not a breeder and decide not to breed your pets, it is better to spay/neuter them early in their life preferably before they go on their first heat. Of course, even sterilising your pets after several years is still better than not sterilising them at all! Studies had shown that animals that are not bred, have higher chances of developing cancer on their sexual organs in the later stage of their life.

If you own a single pet, you may think it's unnecessary to sterilise them as they will not have a chance to breed. However even a single pet will come on heat and experience sexual frustration. It is an extremely unpleasant period for them. And sometimes, they are so compelled to find a mate that they will escape from the house in order to fulfill the mating process.

3) Behavioral
Unsterilised pet often display undesirable behavior. For male dogs, they will mark territory with their urine.
They will also hump at almost anything within their reach. Male dogs on heat will sometimes display aggression.

Male cats will spray to mark territory, they will become more territorial and get into fights with other tom cats. Female cats are known to call loudly when they are on heat, this can become a nuisance to your neighbourhood.

kinda true though. when i bring him walking, he rush like nobody's business, he also demands where he wants to go. tried a lot of times to paper trained him, but he marks his pee on beds. room doors are closed most of the time. then he gets horny from time to time, he grabs onto and arms he see. >.< and when he sees bitch, he will jump onto her. he's too desprate. hope he will be better after sterilization.

yesterday was my birthday. thanks to everyone who wished me!!

dear drove to my place with his friends to fetch me around 12+am. we went to punggol end, al-azhar and chinese garden prawning farm to chill. then went back dear's place at 3am. slept and woke up at 9am by noises all around. dear coughing, students matching and shouting at the school beside dear's block, unread sms and phone calls. zzz.

met dear's parents and aunt at IMM. dear wanted to get a phone with dear's mum's contract. he got samsung F480. went to singtel retailer. intend to get the gold version since its exclusive to singtel. but the retailer said that they don't have it when the promotion slips stated it. i was insisting for the colour when dear brush me off. if he talked to me nicely, i wont make a big fuss out of it. morning = totally spoilt.

had lunch at baystreet. their service dropped. maybe because of the foreign staff serving us. i won't forget her saying BEANCURD as "Bing-Ker" (ice berg in mandrian). there's a china staff at the singtel retail shop who don't understand english. to me, anyone in service line must speak good english. it will reflect a lot on Singapore. think they should go for english lessons before getting the job.

parted from dear's parents and aunt to city hall. the crowd was tremdously huge due to the fireworks festival. i didn't want to watch as i can watch it online avoiding the crowd. intend to have dinner at yuki yaki, but the ice cream thingy is till 4pm.

dine in at the japanese pasta restaurant at city link. i just love the cod fish over there. had the mango dessert there also. its very nice ! i love the ice apple vinegar there also. haha. the food is nice !

i couldn't stand it when dear sleep in the bus which he always will. he will squeeze me to my side of the seat, tickle me with his hair. im always very bored/lonely on the bus.

spent the day totally. reached jurong at 12am. but wasted my time sleeping. haha.

at the end of the day, i bought a converse shoe with dear's sis voucher, crystal puzzle, mini size puzzle, a top and bras. >.< oh ya, dear's dad gave me $100 to spend, intend to save it but ended up spending it.

just came back from admitting choco to the vet for sterilization and for mircochip. compared to other dogs which tend to be scared, he was like a wild dog. he struggles, he barks, he growls and even wanted to bite people. im quite worried about him. im afraid that they couldn't handle him.

he needs to go for obidence course, but im afraid that i will waste the money also. maybe he will get expelled. omg. he can be beyond control in the public.

choco has stable down already. he've no mood for food. he can walk, but lying most of the time. he needs a lot of care for now. my heart just melt when i see him like this. so poor thing.

get well soon !

these are some pictures taken recently

sad ;(

feeling sad. and tired ba.

mr dog ! haha. like a super hero, underdog ! haha

when he's active, he held his ball tightly, not willing to let me take.

taken on my birthday at suntec. very cool, if you noticed the patterns form by the water droplets.

this is the crowd i saw in city link.

choco is fine right now. but the collar is giving him some trouble moving around. haha. have to spoon feed him for 2 weeks cause of the collar. now he will look like a baby. haha.

was dear's sis birthday yesterday. we bought her an addidas jacket. hope she likes it cause i find it nice. ;p i wrapped it up nicely too ! >.<

dear once said that a guy will never change..

found out that dear smoke again. be it as still or not. he hide something from me, not letting me know. its the second time. i said before no matter how my reaction will be, its better to let me know now than later. i even ask him is there something he's not letting me know. its a matter of trust now, not about him smoking. im puzzled. to give him a third chance or the end of us. he pormised not to do it again and apologised. but its not the first time already.

me: did you hide anything from me, not letting me know ?

dear: like what? dont have.

me: Fine then! you know it yourself ?

dear: what? i know it? what ?

me: i want you to tell me every single thing you hide from me. ive found out thing that i dont know and have suspected.

dear: like what? you've to tell me. how the hell would i know what you're talking about?

me: so you expect me to dig everything you hide from me one by one when i found out ?! im very disappointed.

dear: like what? and who you heard it from? im telling you, im not hiding. if you dont believe me, then you've to think who told you whatever is that, and, whatever it is that you heard, im telling you, ive nothing hiding. whether you believe it or not.

me: you are  still a smoker. even if i dont like, you tell me i wont get angry. but now i found out and had suspected. dont you tell me you didn't. how long have you been hiding it?! and why ?!

dear: you're right. i WAS still a smoker. till around half a year plus back. why did i hide? how could i tell you? my reason? ive never give reason for smoking since the start. so, i wont give any this time round too.

dear:how could i tell you when you dont like it at all? and simply, i dont have a reason to smoking. so, i wont be able to explain. its right that you cant trust me ever again. so, i dont blame you at all too..

me:why didn't you tell me? it makes me so difficult to trust you. i really don't know who are you now.

dear:well, i can understand that you're pissed. and i know why too. you told me the second time we went out, and, i quit. but, till after while, i started back. so, i didn't tell you about it. its my fault this time round, and i wouldn't wanna fight or quarrel for it, just wanna let you know that ive quit. whether you choose to believe or not, its your decision.

me: if i dont like it i wouldn't have friends who smoke. even if i dont like, its better to tell me than let me find out. i said this alot of times. what if i go out with someone you're jealous of and didn't tell you. then you found out, how will you f feel ?

dear: agree on that. its not that i dont trust you. that's why i dont wanna tell you. if im gonna tell you i didn't wanna tell not cause i dont want you to be sad and disappointed, i'll be faking. so i'd rather not explain and not tell you. that's my point of view. i know you share a different opinion, but its just me.

me: its not about believing or not. its about trust.

dear: well, i chose not to speak up, cause i know alot of people dont like it. and, like i said, ive quit. also, cause of that, i wont wanna tell you. cause i know you wont like it. or rather, you'll not like me either. so, i did not say.

me: when i give you chance to speak, you should speak. the longer you take the worst i will feel. if you want me to feel worst then dont tell me till i walk away from you.

dear:alright. i know im not right in doing this. ive nothing to say. really, nothing to say.

me: its not about you quiting or not. its about trust. since we're together, you have to be understanding to my feelings too. and you just think that you dont want to tell me cause its your way. you must think of my way. its been 2 years already and you still do such things ?!

dear: i know its gonna be hard to forgive me. but im sorry about it. i promise it won't happen again.

me: just giv me time for a reply. i will get to you. tonight maybe.

dear: alright then.

above its the conversation while we're working. im in a verge of breaking up, but i dont want to lose someone i love and a great guy(minus this incident). and i also dont want it to repeat. why is it always me doing the forgiving and fitting into you ?!

its either the end of the relationship or give him the third chance. to forgive him cause there're a lot more happier times than now. to end cause there may have the next time. "guys will never change"

tell me how ?!

forgave dear last night. i hope by following what my heart says is right.

yesterday was too emotional till i forget to post about what happened at work. crowd was pathetic cause of the comex at suntec. but rather fun. met the mocca guy who "wanted to sell" his car. he's kinda label. fred perry shoe, emporio armani specs. he's a promoter also. haha. didn't noticed till he took off his specs. haha.

oh ya, i am so stupid. i gave a customer... hm... not even my customer my real contact. im so stupid. he is bald somemore. omg. i cant get myself to react in time. agrh....

whole day at work smiling and joking around. but when it comes to dear's sms, i cant make myself to smile. im just so hurt. AGAIN. im totally disappointed. trust in him, is gone for now. im not even sure that dear really loves me or not. or am i his only one.

i dont want to be apart from him, i love him so much, but yet i always get so hurt. im tired of my life, why cant i have a relationship like couples with stable relationship.

now, to me, even if i give dear another chance, it may spilt anytime if dear didn't take it seriously. its something that cant be undone. guess another mistake will be the end.

im just so sad. he is someone i love too much that it change myself and my way of thinking. its beyond words to describe my love and disappointment to him.

i dont want him to feel bad. i just want him to know this have gone way to serious, i want him to be more serious.its not always you this or you that. its about us in the picture. you think about you, there will not be me around. things i will be unhappy/jealous/angry about is better to let me know before i find out. i can ignore now, but how long can i take it?! you think its okay doesn't mean i will feel the same.

i gave in already, its his step to heal now.