last night slept at 9pm and woke up at 11pm. drank a cup of hot milo and went back to sleep. with a FLU !! argh. now my flu recovered. but ...

woke up feeling unwell. dizzy head. took a nap and didn't get well. btw, guyA woke me up, else i will be rotting myself on my bed. though im all along on my bed. haha. mum took my blood pressure and the result is that im having low blood pressure. ;( i don't have low blood pressure before and im not having period. ;/

but, im not very sick alright. i still can talk photos alright ! ;p

 

 

 

don't i just look fine ?! ;p

 

was out with Jeremy just now to the movies. finally this day is here for him, he waited for 1+yr just to go out with me. haha. watched pink panther 2. its lame and funny. lol. then headed back after that. we both have nowhere to go in mind. lol.

was shag. really shag. slept at 3+am. was on the phone with guyA. =x and woke up at 10am. just to make it for the date.

manage to get some sleep. really looked like a zombie can. haha. was having headache too. most probably due to lack of sleep. ;/

 

my head is still dizzy. really have no idea why.

after my nap in the evening, online for awhile and head back suppose to sleep. but ended up texting guyA. till late and i have no idea what time that i dose off. my phone was on vibration mode and he gave me like 3-4 miss calls that woke me up. its around 4.10am. haha. chatted awhile and went to sleep. 

woke up at 7am to give him a morning call. wake up at 10am. then slept again and woke up at 12am when i receive Kat's message. she don't have a job too. 

watching Slumdog Millionaire. it is a GREAT show !! the life in India. a great story line. it deserves to get the award.

going for a full body check up tomorrow. hope everything is alright.

think im not going to a full body check up. my dizziness just went off after Lishan told me that she's going to dbl o and i could join. but.... not confirm yet. maybe its my mind going nuts for staying home. LOL.

when people cares for me i listen, but guyA doesn't ! ;/ slept like 3am. so late again when he promised to be a good boy and sleep early ! >.< okay, whatever. btw, he is scared of lizard !! and flying cockoroaches. haha. so nowadays, guys are more fearful of pest?!

guyA say that he is willing to send me home after dbl o cause Swing isn't going, and the rest don't live near Sengkang. so sweet ?! haha. but he added that he might become a wolf. -.-"

going timbre on friday ! with Jianlong and friends. and he wanted mahjong. zzz. forever craving for that. im broke alright. lol. i need money!!! 

oh ya.. my mum said that i lost weight. haha. >.< gotta lose more. ;p maybe that's why i have low blood ?! but i really didn't do anything different, half a bowl of rice have started since last year. excerising been on since the start of the year. hm... must be staying home !! hahaha. 

im joining the group of people to st james ! woohooo.. ;p

im awake. damn it. 

powerhouse was fun. though music wasn't very great and really really squeezy. we're in a big group and manage to get the sofa seat. woohoo. think Melvin is a VIP. 

only a couple wasn't from NYP. and most of us were in Information Technology. seriously, i didn't seen all of them in school. =x

most of all. I DID NOT GET DRUNK ! though almost lost control twice. hehe. its really, when i start i don't want to stop. and the way i drink, is by cheers and empty the glass. i sure be down in minutes. ;/  btw, Johnny walker is nice. ;p

Jiahao was so drunk and really a joke can. everyone sent him home, carry him out of the car and he said, "you all are bad, knock my head and its very pain" in a super super drunk mode. worst still, after he said that, the guys accidentally bang his head on the pillar. he already drank a lot and someone treated him with graveyard. LOL. he vomitted like no tomorrow. can't blame his bday is round the corner.

guyA came ! >.< was shock. really shock to see him walking up to me. i don't know how to describe my feeling at the point of time. just happy and.... feel safe to drink?! but he left early. and i did control my drinking. 

Deejay extended the working hrs till 5am. but we didn't stay that long. when we sent Jiahao back its already 5am. haha. then Melvin dropped me, Alan and Wesley outside of NYP. for cab. Wesley was on the vurge of peeing out and was disturbing him all the way back. LOL. ;p

reached home at 5.30am. 

just don't feel any sweetness when i see lovey-dovey couples now.

 

what's wrong with me?!

 

was on the phone with guyA till 6am. 

he told me about his past. so did i. he told me im a changed person now and no longer the girl i was before. he doesn't wants me to go club. he wants me to be the good girl i was before. i know its for my own good. friends told me too. im just addicted to have a bad girl's mind to enjoy that way.

guess its time to be the real me again.

somehow im not in a good mood now. i feel like getting drunk and forget everything that ever happened(im going timbre anyway). i need someone to comfort me now. i just can't believe how stupid i was. haha. 

i just wanted to cry out my stupidity.

 

i was so fooled.

 

i was so stupid.

i promise you again, i wont get drunk. dont worry, i will be a good girl. hehe. ;p

you really have the charm to change me.

 

you made me listen to you and ur craps.

 

made me miss you

 

argh !!!

 

 

thank you.

 

im back home.

went to ikea. the weather is freaking freaking stuffy and humid. then Jianlong got things for Yongjia. somehow a surprise. its sweet. ate yummy hotdogs and my favourite caramel ice-cream. >.< simply satisfaction. haha. im easily satisfied can. LOL. and its long since i went there for that. my next time will be soon. i miss the food at ikea too. ;p

have been talking about food since yesterday. i want go chomp chomp. i want go ikea. and i keep on wanting to eat without being able to go jogging cause of the freaking weather just spoils my mood. argh !! my weight might be gaining back. then my tummy coming back again ?! OH NO !!!!

didn't go to timbre. Yongjia didn't met us. so decide to go hougang since we weren't hungry, Jianlong don't have the mood to eat and she lives in hougang and by chance she might be willing to meet us. but ended up not meeting.

went to starbucks at Sengkang and Jianlong's and Clement's friend is over there. slack awhile and came back.

super shag now. freaking body clock wakes me up at 12pm when i slept at 6am can. but im glad to have the conversation last night. at least it made my mind thinking.. thinking of how it should be thinking. ;p

i didn't get much sleep. its long since i get my beauty sleep. since i graduated. have been sleeping late after graduating and even later recently. hehe. >.<

i have no idea what time i slept. i knew i woke up around 4.30am automatically, and since guyA should be away to go to the biathlon at east coast, i called him, just in case he can't wake up. we were texting before we both fell asleep. then got his call around 6am. then continue texting him, accompany him till i dosed off. then 11am, when he is done and heading back, again texting. then chatted on the phone till he knocking out. haha. he forget to hang up the phone can. haha. was calling out for him. haha.

then just as im in my dreamland. got sms from Swing asking if i can go Bangkok with her. then later dosed off and Derek ask me the market price of Canon powershot E1. tired you know ! lol. then mummy came back with brunch. and its time to wake up though im very shag. got to settle Qiu's present first !! 

i remember what Lifang once said when her current bf wants to woo her when she is not happy with her ex and just broke up. she said, it doesn't matter what will the outcome be, she just wants to be happy. even if i ts only for awhile. 

 

and that's how im thinking now.

hmm... i can say, i just want to be loved, pampered and being happily attached.. once again.

HE just knew about how i felt for him. its so obvious, dumb dumb.

as in..

why would i stay up late every night waiting for him, why would i bother to wake him up early in the morning when i have nothing on and is FREAKING tired, why would i bother to get him to turn of his air-con when he is so cold, why would i bother to tell him cover his blanket when he sleeps and why would i bother to sends him long good night sms-es every night after our phone call ?!

most guys are really not that observant enough. ;\ its okay. at least he is caring and sweet. and.. surprise me ?! haha. i just love surprises. ;p

i need unlimited sms !! gonna be nagged by my dad when this month's bill comes. ive send like 600+ text messages for this month already and i only have 1000 free sms-es. argh !! how how how ?! get a new line from starhub/singtel under student plan for the free unlimited sms till my plan with m1 have ended and that i can swap over ?! where will i get the money to pay the bill ?! damn it. argh.... 

dead meat ! 

im awake ! fully awake and PISSED !

there is this irritating caller, i dont F**KING care who that hell is it, kept blasting my mum's phone. and her sponguebob squarepants polyphonic ringtone is annoying me. the caller just don't give up can ?! the caller finally gives up when im awake, sending a text message, after numerous numerous calls. F**K YOU !

what the hell you want from my mum that you have to blast her phone ?! don't you have the brains to think that after so many calls without anyone answering means my mum is still asleep and YOU ARE F**KING DISTURBING ?! you have a pea brain or what ?! 

i slept at 6am. im just so pissed by someone who can call like 5 over times in an hr not thinking there are such thing as SMS !!

F**KING PISSED !!! 

it was my neighbour who lives in 10th storey and wants my mum to wake up and go market with her.

 

what's the problem with going alone ?! if she does this everyday, im gonna pick up the call and blast words back. ANGRY !!!

head down to town alone for Qiu's present. bought a large brownie cake with 21 holiday nibbers from Mrs Fields. headed to meet guyA for lunch. he kept saying i have a blur look. ;( then head back his place and waited for him to change into his attire for Bball. his dog is so cute. and i felt bad for not calling his mum. cause i was outside the house waiting for him and his mum was talking to him. and out of a sudden she appeared. whatever, its my bad. btw, she said that i looked decent. XD

after that went to the Bball court till its time to leave to Qiu's chalet. its really cool. so cozy. and its at Changi. i love to go there to see planes. the planes were so huge at the area. ;p

crapped with my fellow guys from 5B, and stayed after the cake is cutted and eaten my portion of it. i really have no other ideas of my 21st bday other than a chalet. though its a boring idea. but my chalet should have a lot of alcohol i guess. LOL. =x i want something special. ;p

took the last 2nd bus back. and guyA was waiting for me before he book in. he just look so decent with what he was wearing though he was carrying a lot of stuff with him like some imigrant from rural countries. LOL. cause normally, he just dress like some gangster. LOL. =x

its complicating about us. LOL.

woke up around 11.30am with guyA's unread sms, cause my phone will give alerts. dose off while thinking of what to reply him last night.

i told him that im a perfectionist. and at times i try not to. cause nothing is perfect. honestly, i have no confidence in relationship. im afraid that it wont last. and im afraid that i might hurt him. i no longer have the thinking that i will not hurt anyone and i will give him a better life, cause i really have no confidence. YET, im willing to commit. ya, im finally WILLING to commit. willing to give it a try. he told me he is willing to be my guinea pig. ;p

recently, ive change my status in Facebook from "Single" to "Its complicated". cause WE are complicated. we chatted like couples and feel like one but we are not... not yet ?! maybe he cast a spell on me, cause he changed me. from someone who lost a reason to love, clubs, drinks and wanted to just flirt kind of girl to someone i used to be. listens and does what is right. and im really falling for him bit by bit. cause he is sweet, cause he cares for me, cause he feels gentle when he looked at me, cause he is willing to change me from the start, cause is willing to pamper me and cause he made me want to love again. even if those are just words which flatters me, at least i felt love and im happy. im always stupid in love and i can't do anything about it. its just me.

he made me miss him, think of him, take care of him, want to get things for him, surprise him, listens to him, talk about him, let people know im not available cause of him, willing to be his good and blur girl, be honest with him, share my thoughts with him, TRUST him.. im touched by his pure heart... im in love. haha. 

wei ! dont doubt me already, im never an unfaithful girl and i don't lie to you. im never a liar, but i do tell white lies. =x im also not someone who plays with guy's heart and breaks it, im not like "them". stop asking question like you doubt me alright.

A3100

the specification is here >> http://www.gsmarena.com/motorola_a3100-2622.php

time to impress the crowd ?! haha. it is rated that it is better than Sony Ericsson X1, Samsung Omnia, Apple Iphone(for sure) and Nokia N97 !! O.O

hm... should i consider ?! just find touch screen phones troublesome and texting will be slow. though im so in love with HTC touch diamond (but the batt life sucks. ;/). haha. its so good to have a key pad, can just dont look at the screen when texting. HTC touch diamond 2 is going to be out soon, but touch diamond is nicer. and both are EXPENSIVE can. nvm... my Motorola V9 is nicest ! haha. flip phones just look so stylish and cool. its just the features i dont like. i dont like the sms and the memory. the rest im fine with it. this is a reason of why i want a new phone. ;/

i find this nice. but its Nokia. didn't have a pleasant experience with 2 of their symbian phones. but i like the matte silver and the brown one. ;p i dont think this is running on symbian. and i dont know when will it be out in SG. ;/ 

 

Kinder Joy is nice !!! but they gave me a stupid toy. ;( haha. 

 

---

 

my 2nd one ! just cant resist it. better toy ! its a frog photo frame. ;p

HE called my house number and mummy answered. haha. then mummy asked it is a guy and who is it. haha. first time i ignore. 

then after hanging up was thinking what will mummy react if i tell her its my bf. LOL.

so i tried walking to the kitchen where she is. then she really asked again. >.<

me: my boyfriend.

Mummy: Really ? (and she thinks its my crush)

me: u really believe it ?! haha. if im attached why am i still home ?!

Mummy: How i know ?! both of you don't have money to spend ?!

me: what makes you think he doesn't have a job ?! what makes you think he don't have money ?!

Mummy: better don't get a bf.

(I laughed and walked away.)

im just let fate decide my path and let nature takes its course. sometimes love just came out from where you least expected. if i resist, i might miss it which i dont want to. hm... if i really get hurt, i will just have to overcome the pain again. ;\ so... don't hurt me eh ?! ;p

haha. i've been blogging for the whole day !!! so much to say can ! lol

daddy lets me go oversea with Swing ! >.< and he is sponsoring me SGD$500 to spend ! >.< and also asked if that's enough or not. haha. how i wish i don't depend them finanically. im feeling bad about it. have been depending on myself after sec sch. 

HE asked then what about him. can i throw him in SG?! =x haha. cause ive neglected Swing a lot in the past cause im attached and im want to make it up for her. 

and i want to tell everyone i love my choco a lot a lot a lot. waha. i love to hug, play and kiss him !! he also never get enough of it. he always wanted to lick my mouth which he mostly missed. his mouth stinks !! LOL. 

last night HE told me not to sign on navy. HE dont think i can take it. ;\ its phyiscally tough. ;\ and HE wants me to work. he talked about in the future, he can get to fetch me after work for dinner then head home, bla bla bla...  hahah. living together so sweetly. ;p

 

i missed my boy. ;( 

but.... im not attached. LOL. 

my phone's software is going crazy already. first time can ?! zzz. i really need a phone to use when i send it for servicing. ;(

i no longer can live without a phone by my side already.

damn it. i can no longer stand my phone's problem. and now im using a very lousy Nokia phone. zzz. the key pad is so small, my nails always made me press the wrong button, and the screen so small la ! so pissed.

im sad can. my phone do th is to me. ;( i really need to send it for servicing already.

im shouting out my anger when im using the Nokia phone can. argh !!!!!! angry arh !!

HEHE. my boy still cracking his brain on what ive bought him. take it that i sweet or whatever, i just want him to be doing fine at any point of time. cause i care, that's why i get it for him. HEHE. STOP STALKING MY BLOG WITH YOUR PHONE, YOUR BILL IS GOING TO BURST ALREADY ! 

meeting him later. ;p he want bring me for sushi !! cause he have been stalking me. LOL. 

my some questions that ive mentioned about him.

Who do you wanna spend your time with right at this moment?
- hm... with my boy ?! should be meeting him later. >.<

Is there anything you wanna tell to anyone? 
- hm... my boy, i miss you ?! lol. 

What is the sweetest thing someone had ever done to you? 
- surprises are the sweetest. and im nv enough of surprises. and my boy telling me that he miss me. haha.

Who was the last person you said I love you to?
- i told my boy before. duno if he rmb or not.and after him i think a girl cant rmb. i only knew i told him.

Last person you texted
- my boy. ;p

Last person/thing you missed
- my boy. still missing can. =x

WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
- hm.. no idea. my boy think a lot about this kind of things. nothing better to do de. hahaha.

IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
- SUSHI !!!!

WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
- 9******5 hehe. its all in my head already ;p

WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
- nothing better to do. and my boy went bball. ;( LOL.

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
- sxianz, xianz and my (stupid) gal >.<

LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
- my boy

YOUR EYE COLOR?
- natural brown. in fact quite brown. my boy have them too !! ;p

DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
- no. my boy also. but i think my eye sight is better. =x

YOU LIKE SUSHI?
- YES YES YES !!! FAVE LA CAN !!!! >.< and very long didn't eat ler.

WHO DO YOU SECRETLY LOVE?
- since its secretly, why say out ?! and im not secretly in love. my boy knows it. and to make it more complicating. we not officially attach... hmm.. yet... and we're both single. haha.

LAST TEXT YOU RECEIVED:
- seconds ago ?! my boy is back from bball. ;p

DO YOU WISH YOU CAN SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW:
- eh.... ya. =x should know who la. else its getting very mushy ler.

ARE YOU IN LOVE:
- yes

he is just so sweet. he can remember that i will be hungry when i woke up, he told me to get something to eat before my mum gets back with lunch. guys are sweet when they are observant. ;p thanks for making me happy, you really make my day.

i dont wish to control what he is doing though you know... gambling is bad. im just afraid that he might get burnt. so what he have money now ?! money is never enough. also not forgetting that he wants to pamper me. he like ah peh can, does things that those typical ah peh doing. smoke, gamble soccer, sit in coffee shop watch soccer and drink beer. =x 

but im starting to be blinded by him already. zzz. cus he is so sweet. whatever is it, i just want to be happy. being in love is about loving someone and not care about his flaws. its always me not caring about people's flaws, but caring for it which made me really tired and wanted to give up. hope it dont happen for him. 

Yida came asking if im attached. to all, its confusing. haha. he is my boy and im his girl. he tells people he's on the phone with his gf, texting his gf, told the insurance agent that he will bring along his gf and stuff like that. i don't know where we are now, i just know i call him my boy, but haven't acknowledge him as my bf. haha. i don't kow when that i will and i just know im happy. ;p

just came back.

went out in a rush cause he told me he be coming out earlier last minute. met him at his house, went the other day before heading to Qiu's place and.... i managed to remember how to get there !! haha.

when at Tampines, we didn't ate sushi just now. Sakae has long queue and we don't have much time out together. he's going back camp. so went to Ajisen for ramen. i don't know why ive been verbally shooting what he is saying all the time. LOL. saw his bunkmates and he got teased. i wont take their words seriously though. actions are more powerful that words.

he rejected his friends for dinner cause of me. ;( his friend is going NS already and he didn't go. and its brother eh. ;\

then he bought me kinder joy ! >.< he ask if its nice and said "it should be, cause he bought it." haha. then he sent me home by cab. and i gave him a kiss. no... 2 kisses. haha. >.< he said he was shocked. haha. 

DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU HAVE CHANGE FROM YOUR NAME TO "MY BOY". i saw what you're trying to do on the bus to sengkang, that's why. you need to be smarter and more alert. and i knew that you've change it to "my boy".

came home. dad show me brouches of samsung phone. sorry, im not interested in all of them. then before i went to my room for my lappy. i told him my bill will burst this month. LOL. he asked who am i texting, i said my boyfriend. LOL. then my mum says, "got new boy liao lo" then i replied, if i got bf, will i still stay home ?! haha. then thinking that i won't let them know about my boy soon. and HAPPY WAITING. unless they are clever enough to guess that he is in camp. bleah !! ;p

was sad and cried last night. my boy was on the phone with me that i told him what happened. i upset cause im afraid that we cant be together cause of some issues. which always have been in previous relationships. 

why is it when i put in the feelings that such reality came up ?! i thought about standards before and its not that i want that i can get it. and also he came into my life, changed my to the person i was, and touched me. the first guy who did that. 

anyway, he is willing to do it for me for us to be together. as long as he is willing. hope he does what he says. ;p

and he made me smile when im sad. no one did that before. ;p he really have his ways.

oh ya... he told me he is planning a surprise when he get his back pay(he is signing on and back pay is the pay which he will get first for signing on). he is bringing me to a place he never brought any girl before. and he said its sweet and the place is nice. hm...

going out with my boy tomorrow ~ >.< IT fair 2009 and movies (coming soon)... -.-" hope i don't get scared by the show. ;p

i want to watch PUSH, The Tale of Despereaux and Race to Witch Mountain ! >.<

 

hm... time to plan my BKK trip with Swing ~ 

ive no idea how to start. my boy told me those things he wanted me to know and i should know. then he asked how i felt and if i have anything to say. he even told me that there's still time to change my mind.

hm... i really dont know if i should change my mind or if i will make the wrong choice. seriously, im willing to try it out with him. ive put my trust on him and i don't care if i will end up being hurt. 

i don't mind those things he've told me. maybe cause i know he've chose me. im not even close to being upset after hearing those stuff. maybe im already blinded by him.

 

this time it just pop out from nowhere. to be honest, i started off creating chance for myself... 'flirting' with him. then days gone by, he talked me through. he made me want to love again ?!... and to be back on track. then i started to fell for him. falling for him being sweet. for him being caring. for the way he look at me in the eye.

i never wanted to miss any chance. ive found someone who could control me when im losing control of myself and also falling in love. that's why im willing to try and letting fate decides my future and also our future.

my boy told me the surprise last night. LOL. he is getting a room at Yatch Club for me. i don't know about the plans. he told me his friend brought his gf over to spend 3D2N. sounds really like living like a rich person. moreover, the things are really really affordable!!! >.< but somehow, don't wanted him to spend the money. ;\

how sweet of him. XD

meeting him later. and tmr for his friend's POP (pass out parade). and tmr night to phuture celebrating his friend's POP there's around 20 guys can !! and im bringing him home. =x

 

met my boy after he book out. went to his place for him to put his things down. then rotted awhile. wonder why he is so impatient with his mum. haha. actually, im too. my temper gone worst after my FYPJ. now, i shout at my mum. damn it. but only to a particular issue. sometimes i just hope they let me do my things. ;\

went IT show 09 looking for friends. Aaron as usual working, Swing too. then at Starhub, saw Zhiwei, Anthony and Lewis. and i saw Lewis on Ch U TV show. was shock to see when i switch on the TV. and guess what which is no surprising, he was late on of the days for fliming. Zhiwei and Anthony is working for LG now. Zhiwei kept saying why i didn't told him i was single. haha. btw, i was with my boy.

after that went to watch Coming Soon. super scary can !!! the only show im so afraid of. was hugging onto my boy throughout the whole show.

after the show, went to look for a place to eat. i was tired, but i don't want to go home. went for fish bee hoon. after fish bee hoon, we walked aimlessly down to arab street and sat down. chatted and browse my photos. while he smoked away and we drank alcohol. think the alcohol is affecting my throat now can. agrh... gonna have more tonight.

should be going Changi Naval Base to see a Passing Out Parade which i missed. sorry. ;( i reached home at 2plus am. then have to wake up at 5am. was so stone and my head is like spinning. so told my boy i won't be going.

meeting up later. maybe bringing my phone for servicing. maybe. haha. btw, im feeling sick. LOL. ;\

&g

went to meet my boy at his place in the afternoon. then slacked and he rotted tilled we got hungry. just as we wanted to leave, the rain comes. very heavily. Zzz. so stucked at his place. and i finally ate Mcdonalds after 2+ months. argh !!

t;

headed to Skinny's house for soccer. Man Utd VS Liverpool. and Torres scores !!! ;p im not supporting Liverpool, im just supporting Torres. haha. and my boy and friends bet on Man Utd. its a lost. 4-1. and my boy hated Torres for a goal. haha.

cabbed down to Phuture later on. with the guys demoralized. got free entry as they opened 5 bottles of Martell. LOL. in total, the group seems to have like 20, 30 over people... hmmm... guys. only 2 girls includes me. was very fun at first. then it got into a fight. which always happens for him. Zzz.

went out. waiting for them outside of the gate of Zouk's carpark. for VIPs if im not wrong. while some we there sorting things out. the rest came out in small groups and gather just outside of the gate. which might be another problem if the other party start pointing out whoever which all be pulled in for more trouble. so we disperse. my boy told me to walk down with his friends. so i walked first and then when i turned back i can't see them.

then there's this stranger, a guy, hit me in the hand. so i just turned back and somehow stared at him. then the next moment i remembered, he approached me and started talking to me. being really nice. asked me where im heading, where i live and my name. i couldn't react well and just told him as he asked. got kissed and hugged by him can. then felt uncomfortable and gave my boy a call. told him that im lost and im with a stranger. then that guy somehow panic and let me off.

at the point of time was really lost and scared. i walked back, i saw his friend. ran to him and wanted to cry. was thinking that im so close to getting 'kidnap'. and i was drinking quite a few glasses of alcohol, but not yet drunk. what if im drunk, my boy not around to take care of me. then his friend asked about what happened. then brought me over to the gate. 

went to look for the guy. saw him and felt kind of bad for like maybe accusing him, without knowing that him taking my kiss is wrong. i notified the guy and i turned and rush off. what if he is just being nice ?! then later they asked me to verify again, but the guy was gone. he ran away.

partly, its my fault though. for not reacting well to it. im dumb. then after sometime, my boy came out and try to look for that guy again, and think he was far gone already. then i went to his place for the night. i don't want to be home thinking and regretting it. though im better now, but still i felt that im really dumb.

super PMS/moodswing yesterday. argh !

pictures time.

this time... im having craving for L4D. LOL. sice its raining heavily, might as well rot at home. hope Swing says okay to come over. LOL.

i have reached to the limit that i can't talk to my parents nicely. my mum just simply wants me to stay home and do nothing. its super annoying when im rotting at home after i graduated. i find it pointless to be home with her when she do her stuff and i do my own stuff.

i can't get my sleep. i can't go out. ITS F**KING TORTUROUS CAN !!! how i hope i could just die at home !!! 

i know my temper is going bad to worst now. ARGH !!! just let me be go wherever i want can ?!

im having bloodshot eyes already. i need some sleep. maybe my temper became worst cause of that. this morning, im so unwilling to open the door for choco when he scratched my door. he just dont stop doing it till i let him in. then i just cant get back to sleep. argh!!!! 

Never expect my results for Yr 3 sem 2 will be this FANTASTIC !!

my GPA went up by 0.4 !!! >.<

but still ain't that good. final GPA 2.401 ;\

 

im off to Bangkok next tuesday with Swing. 4D3N till friday. settle everything yesterday at a travel agent in Chinatown.

just came back from renewing my passport. getting it on sat and then get insurance. then head down town for dad's birthday cake. and Jianlong called. he told me that his manager might give me a call anytime. i really need a job. and its a well paid job though there's a contract of 9 months. but might affect time with my boy. ;(

i want the Agnes B sling bag IN BLACK. its just tempting me. $205 for that. and just as i need a small bag. cant wait to get into a job and for pay day !!! argh !!! everytime i pass Agnes B and saw that bag, it seems to tell me "QUICK GET ME HOME !" caught an eye on it since last year, but the colour was purple or dark turquoise. now there's black and the pink looks pale. I WANT IT !!! >.<

officially annouced my boy and me. ;p 

he is sweet. he cares for me alot.

him in ah yong's specs. in dance floor of phuture

the couples who attended.

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he is LAW ZIYANG !!! and he is my ex's ex-classmate. for those we keep up on my blog will know how it happened. to most, its weird. i believe i will be happy with him and he will treat me well. 

im glad to have him and i love him.

im going interview later.

then head home and then out to dinner with my boy ! >.<

im missing him.

interview was alright.

no comments.

went meet my boy yesterday at the bus stop near Tanah Merah MRT station. i waited for an hour. my fault for not listening well. ;( headed to his place to put thing down. then he rotted. -.-" 

i had home cook !! ;p his mum cooked dinner. very delicious. there's lady's finger vege !! >.< my favourite. ;p recently ate a lot of favourite dishes. hohoho. then his mum's minced meat is so tasty. and since i can't eat squid and prawn, i fed my boy with mostly that(its tom yam flavour) and i ate the minced meat and lady's finger. yum yum !! >.<

brought his "lo-lec"(watch) home to see if i can fix it. it just don't close. and........... I FIXED IT !!!! hehe. i fixed his watch that he like a lot !!! ;p

this is his lo-lec. lol. 

seeing him tomorrow. just for awhile. 

Sat to phuture. hope khakis will come. Roger kept giving me hope when he have something on. argh. Kevin wants to get drunk !! haha. 

i never felt so sweet and so in love when i got a "i love you" from my boy last night on the phone before we hang up. 

we always send good night messages to each other. last night his message says: 

Well.. Baby.. You're really a nice gf.. Consider myself lucky to have you by my side.. Haas.. Felt so honoured eh.. Anyway.. Have a good sleep ok.. See you tomorrow.. Good nite my dearest baby.. Sleep tite.. Cover blanket k.. Love you.. Hugs.

he told me that im making him loving me more and more everyday for the things i did for him. and i didn't know that simple things i did could make him this way. the mystery gift i bought him is the anti-mosqitoes patch, cause he gets moqitoes bites in the night and he won't be able to sleep well. bought him Kinder Bueno cause its his favourite. everytime we met, ive something for him. ;p maybe he treasures me more?! this is what i replied :

all i want is to have someone as sweet, as caring, willing to love and pamper me. And no one but could give. Im grateful that i have you too. **bla bla** that's the fear i have. I don't expect any of this kind of promises. I just want to be happy and don't want to have any fear. 

before we started, ive thought if we should get together or not. fearing that there's no future, fearing that either one will get hurt again, fearing of quite a few matter. after hearing him, i decide to give it a try, even if i will get hurt, even if things don't turn out right. he just made me want to love again, i believe he could make me forget my fears/my lack of confidence in relationships. for him, im also willing to be the girl whom i use to be. 

he's afraid that he don't have the time for me and that he's afraid that my feelings will fade, i can't promise anything, but no matter how, i will keep it going. he is also afraid of me running away with another guy, but im a faithful person. we both are people who have fears in relationships and we both are willing to make it happen. just hope nothing will stop us.

i just want a good life.

just came back from meeting my boy. 

met him go back his place put down his stuff and then see him for bball. then after he bath head to Cineleisure for dinner. then head back. 

my mum rushed me home saying that there's a letter to collect my passport tomorrow when it clearly stated that my passport can be only collected on monday ! WTF !!! simple english and yet she dont understand. argh !!

else... i be spending more time with my boy.

he wrote a note..

Baby.. I'm sorry. I cannot pei(accompany) you for long..

then he starts planning for our time. then i told him i receive a call from my job and i got in, but they give me time to think before getting into the job. im very clear that i need a job, but its a weekend job. then time with my boy will be even lesser. haiz... 

i don't want to have like a shedule to meet him. i don't mind meeting him for awhile. but, he say he don't want to spend the time with me that way. i just want to be with him. ;(

ive no idea what my boy told me last night on the phone. i only knew he called me twice and i was already in a dreamy stage. =x

he went drinking last night and the whole pub have most of the people he know from navy. and i think he drink a lot. then tonight if he really goes to phuture with his mates, which is most probably. then drink again !! nvm, its my turn tonight. ;p

currently packing stuff for BKK trip. hehe. ;p

oh ya... finally finish designed Derek's blog banner a couple days back. haha. >.< took quite sometime though. need some inpiration, that's why. ;p

Derek sorry, i direct link your banner. >.<

i lost the urge to club. zzz.

but im all dressed up for phuture. and not going with a big group. ;\

plan to phuture cancelled.

my day wasted like this. argh !!!

my boy at powerhouse. im at home. ;(

he always gets activities and im always so bored at home. its not that he didn't bring me, its my side kept cocking up. argh !!! very sad. ;((

and i wasted our together time. zzz. damn it.

seriously, im super sad about today.

sad sad sad... ;(

sometimes i really want friends/family to understand me and see my effort.

my boy told me that im always treating people well and don't expect anything in return, but who will treat you that way ?! i just wanted to do my part to make things turn out the way it should be and im trying really hard for it.

be it that im dumb. its just me who does that, but no one recognise my effort.

 

im upset. leave me alone. i need a break.

just woke up from my nap. was a tiring day.

woke up early morning at 6am, morning called my boy to book in. back to sleep till 8am and dragged myself up. took my new passport ! send my phone to service, like finally. LOL. then head down to Kovan assumed that NTUC income is there which is shifted to AMK hub. so cabbed down after we found out. the sun was blazing hot. zzz. then the insurance consultant pissed me off. he was promoting about the schemes of insurance, but very offensive. which is not the way. so i let him talk and waste his own time on me while he could get a better chance of customer. the scheme is good, but that's not the way to sell. even if i want, i won't get it from him. so sorry yeah, too bad for him.

yesterday, went to my boy's place after i woke up while he rotted in bed. headed to East Point with his friends for lunch at KFC. then looked for buttons for his uniform which i sew on for him. then rotted at home for DVD. watched a cop and mafia show, i don't know the name of it. then he send me back. i insisted that im going home by public transport and not by cab since he don't have much money left. so we took the public transport back. ;p reached Compass Point and he've a craving for don't know what. we haven't had dinner also. ate a little and walked home. haha. told him is a long walk, he gave up and took the bus at the bus stop nearest to my place.

he is singing away in his weird tone while i disturb him. LOL. ;\

im leaving to Bkk tomorrow. ;p

staring at the photo of my boy in my previous post smiling away. im missing him already.

yesterday he told me what happened at powerhouse. hmm.. gave me mixed feelings. as he told me about his girls, i felt like im a third party. i don't know why im feeling that way though. and i kept thinking if us, together, is a good choice. as days gone by, i fall in love with him deeper and deeper.

my previous relationship have really scarred me deeply. if its not him who came, i think i will be like some girl out there kissing any random guys in the club or even worst. i was at the point of time wanting to have lots of guys around me to make me immune to my pain.

if ive fallen for his sweetness.. what if one day he is no longer sweet ?!

maybe im just not ready.

what if there's no future ?! i don't want to waste his time and effort on me..

and stuff like that..

i felt really sorry for having unsure thoughts at times. made him worried/demoralized sometimes. im really sorry. 

 

a drinker's room

xiao bai feeling so good when my boy is massaging her. ;p

but my choco is as adorable. he is jealous about it. HAHA.

nice shot, but out of focus. luckily not taken by my camera, but his N95 8GB.

using his phone and like it. if only ive the money for that phone. and cause of me the paint on button 1 and 4 came off. =x haha.

finally found hooch in carrefour. wonder why 7-11 doesn't have it anymore. ;\

 

im flying off in less than 3 hrs time to BKK ! dont miss me ~ 

 

im waiting for my plane off to BKK. im excited and i can't wait ~ >.<

i will miss my boy lots. hm... then... for the 3 nights that im not around, im sorry that he've to get some entertainment. i will too. will get stuffs for him.

take great care of yourself alright !! get more sleep when im not around and don't forget this weekend, you're the one who is coming over to look for me! ;p miss you already. ;((
i>

im back. blog other day. >.<

not in the mood. dad rushes me cus of he might get summon and he doesn't cares that im carrying heavy bottles of alcohol. not meeting my boy, he's going out... till late again. angry !! DONT start another spark. 

credits to Telvin ! LOL.

Day 1

upon arrival at BKK, waited for 45 mins cause flight was delay. Argued with the agent to let us go to our hotel first. it was a bumpy ride. as we reached our rooms, the mirrors were everywhere which i don't like and Swing wanted to sleep together. so get our room changed to a room with a king size bed. went to Platinum mall for dinner. ate pork satay, oyster omelette and kway chap. super tasty. took a tuk tuk to the night bazaar and was alighted at the wrong place that we have to walked over there. zzz. bought quite a few things ! >.< head back to put down our things and went out for supper. bought alcohol, mango with sticky rice and pizza(buy one get one free). was really bloated with leftovers.

Day 2

had morning breakfast. went to Siam for shopping. from Siam discovery to Siam Square. shop till i drop. and our legs were really tired. ate Sashimi. >.< then went to their Forever 21. its super duper big !!!! really really big. then we dragged our feets back for dunkin donuts and A&W back to hotel for dinner. A&W just brings childhood memories back. so yummy. ;p Love the waffle and missing it. went swimming at the hotel's pool. Head out to Silom night market. kinda scary over there. men were like persuading us to go to the tiger show. then pubs there are filled with bartop dancers in bikini. some men also have "DVD sex" tag on their hands getting male tourist to buy it. then head back hotel to drop off our shopping bags and went to foot massage. felt so good that i fall asleep. LOL.

Day 3

had morning breakfast. headed to the 4 face buddha. went to central world for shopping. prayed to the love god with incense and roses which can be purchased there. then walked to the beef noodles stall which Swing recommended. its tasty, but very unhyigenic. then head to Platinum mall to shop again. this time not missing out any stalls. met quite a few Singaporeans. how i know if they are Singaporeans ?! its the way they looked at us when we speak that we know. haha. ate A&W waffle again and back to put our shopping bags. to Siam Square again. then to MBK for dinner. had tom yum soup and pat thai. tom yum is more sour and pat thai taste sweet. ;p

Day 4

the day that we are leaving BKK and going home. the agent came to pick us up. without confirming the people. its another bumpy ride. checked in and ate ice cream there. its yummy. then we found out that we walked to the wrong direction. and we should be at the other side of the gate for our plane. bought a dog collar for choco which cost me a bomb. its SGD 61. its studded and its leather. was really excited when i was on the plane back to SG. i miss home. i miss my boy. i miss my parents and choco.

i don't know what happen. all he told me is that he will solve it and wants to be alone.

im upset and it kept me wondering. no mood for anything. what is happening ?? how serious is this ??

 

if only someone could cheer me up.. ;(

i need my steriods. im in a bad state now. total bad state. its affecting my sleep, affecting my look, affecting my life. argh !! 

i need it badly.

thanks to Heechai, Kokboon and Telvin for caring. im better now. glad to have friends like you guys! >.<

Heechai was so crappy can. i don't know why he was so high, maybe cause of his cravings. =x hahahah. one word, lame. LOL. >.< someone got craving to... hahaha. 

i just woke up. its so unusal that i slept for around 12hrs. alone at home too. fine weather today. gonna work myself up. 

just finish bathing. went for my run with choco. and its raining now. lucky ~ ;p

gonna be home for the next few days or at most a week except to my doctor. no running too. in a really bad state now. when i perspire, i start to itch. feeling really terrible. every minute im itching. felt like sec sch days when im despise. ;(

i need my steriods. argh !! ;(

craving for movies yet i have to wait. ;(

haiz..

make me smile freely again.. make me cheerful again.. what is happening ?!

 

im drifting away.

 

had a bad dream. Not nightmare though. Maybe im thinking too much, that's why. ;/

Thing always happen the opposite way of dreams. And i guess, it wont happen in real life, wont it?!

Think im really thinking too much.

When a girl is quiet, tons of things are going through her mind.

And i agree to this. =x haha.

just reached home. had my steroid. the injection was really pain. i will be okay in days. >.<

Boy, im not going to force you in your decision. for you, i decide to be the girl you knew, cause i fall for you and cause you wan t a good girl. From the start, i told you im willing to commit and that im ready to. don't feel sorry for me to what decision u made. im happy with you and to me, being happy with the guy i love is enough. just that to last, we need to put efforts.. lots of efforts.. previously, i was worried about us, and that you told me not to, cause you weren't, but now.. you're the one. like what i always said, "Never Try, Never Know". Everything have its risk in it, its up to you to decide. ive decided mine and its your turn.

im trying to talk normally.. cause im hurt to know you're stressed up and that you're sick, this can't carry on and how i wish i could solve it for you.. to solve whatever trouble/problems you are having.. im not heart broken, im feeling pain cause of your current state. you must learn to take care of yourself alright ?! if this carry on, i'll let you stress over just your job, so as to loosen your loads.. maybe your burden.. me.. don't pity me. don't be guilty. do what is right for you.

 

"Everything have different views to it, its up to how you want to view it."

"People make things happen, not let things happen." 

"The key to success is the key of what you've learn from your failure and by not repeating it."

"Life is all about choices, if you don't risk it, then you might miss it."

"What is there to lose when somehow what you want is just in front ?!"

guess this is not turning out right.

things like "i don't want you to get hurt.." , "im just not use to it that you treat me too good.." , "there's alot of things which you dont know de.."

fine.. im prepared and i will be fine.. smiles ~ ;p

沒有人介入 mei you ren jie ru	No one is going to intervene
所有人覺得你該滿足 suo you ren jue de ni gai man zu	Everyone thinks you are content
我把心血   全都付出 wo ba xin xie    quan dou fu chu	I took meticulously care   To make sure you got everything back
你為何想要哭 ni wei he xiang yao ku	Why do you want to cry?
為你作主 wei ni zuo zhu	It was your decision
讓你受到我保護 rang ni shou dao wo bao hu	Let yourself receive my protection
可是你   像受苦 ke shi ni    xiang shou ku	However you   Seem to be suffering
到底是誰難以相處 dao di shi shui nan yi xiang chu	After all who was it that had a hard time getting along
我給你幸福 wo gei ni xing fu	I gave you happiness
你問我什麼才是幸福 ni wen wo shen mo cai shi xing fu	You asked 'Just what is happiness'?
這個問題   反而讓我 zhe ge wen ti   fan er rang wo	This question   In response allowed me to
把你看個清楚 ba ni kan ge qing chu	Show you more clearly
你怕束縛 ni pa shu fu	You're afraid of being tied down
我的愛沒能把你馴服 wo de ai mei neng ba ni xun fu	My love was not able to tame you
你沒有退路   那倒不如 ni mei you tui lu   na dao bu ru	You had no escape route   That would have
爽快結束 shuang kuai jie shu	Ended on a happy note
就讓你見識我的風度 jiu rang ni jian shi wo de fong du	To let you have insight of my actions
你離開我要不要慶祝 ni li kai wo yao bu yao qing chu	You left. Should I or shouldn't I celebrate
我不怕愛的殘酷 wo bu pa ai de can ku	I was not afraid of love's cruelty
反正我很想跳舞 fan zheng wo hen xiang tiao wu	Rather I wanted to dance
我最喜歡挑戰孤獨 wo zui xi huan tiao zhan gu du	What I enjoy most is battling loneliness
我也愛放下包袱 wo ye ai fang xia bao fu	I also love letting go of this load
沒有誰   我也不捨得哭   Hu mei you shui   wo ye bu she de ku   Hu	If there's no one   I have no one to cry over  Hu
我   我不在乎 wo   wo bu zai hu	I   I am not concerned
你覺得痛苦 ni jue de tong ku	You thoughts are paniful
我倒不願意為愛受苦 wo dao bu yuan yi wei ai shou ku	I was unwilling to love through suffering
只有這樣   我才做到 zhi you zhe yang   wo cai zuo dao	This is the only way  I could do it
對你的背叛寬恕 dui ni de bei pan kuan shu	To forgive your betrayal
想你幸福 xiang ni xing fu	Wish you happiness
想不到分手你才幸福 xiang bu dao fen shou ni cai xing fu	Didn't think breaking up would be what brought you happiness
是誰的錯誤   我不認輸 shi shui de cuo wu   wo bu ren shu	Who's fault was it?  I do not admit defeat
我忍得住 wo ren de zhu	I will bear it
就讓你見識我的風度 jiu rang ni jian shi wo de fong du	To let you have insight of my actions
你離開我要不要慶祝 ni li kai wo yao bu yao qing chu	You left. Should I or shouldn't I celebrate
我不怕愛的殘酷 wo bu pa ai de can ku	I was not afraid of love's cruelty
反正我很想跳舞 fan zheng wo hen xiang tiao wu	Rather I wanted to dance
我最喜歡挑戰孤獨 wo zui xi huan tiao zhan gu du	What I enjoy most is battling loneliness
我也愛放下包袱 wo ye ai fang xia bao fu	I also love letting go of this load
沒有誰   我也不 捨得哭   Hu mei you shui   wo ye bu she de ku   Hu	If there's no one   I have no one to cry over  Hu
我   我沒有空在乎 wo   wo mei you kong zai hu	I   I have no empty concerns
就讓你見識我的風度 jiu rang ni jian shi wo de fong du	To let you have insight of my actions
我忍痛溫柔的祝福 wo ren tong wen rou de chu fu	I endure the gentle pain of happiness
你會一生都記住 ni hui yi sheng dou ji zhu	You can remember this for a lifetime
我要你銘心刻骨 wo yao ni ming xin ke gu	I want you to inscribe it on your heart
我最喜歡挑戰孤獨 wo zui xi huan tiao zhan gu du	What I enjoy most is battling loneliness
我也愛放下了包袱 wo ye ai fang xia bao fu	I also love letting go of this load
沒有誰   沒難度 mei you shui   mei nan du	No one else   No other problems
我最怕哭   Hu wo zui pa ku   Hu	I'm most afraid of crying   Hu
愛要愛的投入 ai yao ai de you ru	Love needs love given
卻不在乎   Hu   Hu que bu zia hu    Hu   Hu	Still not concerned   Hu   Hu

though its not in his latest album. i like this song. have been repeating it again and again for today. im fine alright. really fine. when im not okay, i will look for someone to talk to. no worries. ;p

thanks to all who is concern. ;p

im not emo anymore and i guess everything is fine. i will be fine no matter how. thanks. ;p